According to an online and mail survey in 2016

If you are among these numbers, this guide will help you to plan your next party to ensure your child has a memorable experience – for all the right reasons.

That equates to just over 6 million children which means there are a lot of parents faced with the dilemma of deciding what to do about their child’s upcoming birthday.

Deciding how many children to invite and who gets chosen, is one of the most stress-inducing parts of organizing any children’s party.

For the parent of a child with ADD/ADHD, getting this part of the planning right is particularly important because it will set the atmosphere for the whole event. Every child is different and you will probably have a good idea of whether your son or daughter is the life and soul of the playground or tends to find social interaction stressful.

If you are not sure how popular your child is at school, it is best to err on the side of caution. Stats from the National Center for Biotechnology Information reveal that, sadly, 52% of children with ADHD are mainly rejected by their peers. Only a very small proportion (1%) were classed as ‘popular’.

Whether or not you believe these figures, it is sensible to keep numbers to a minimum just in case. It is also important to be selective about who you invite.

Parents should also be sensitive about how invites are sent out. Will you ask your child to deliver them at school? Unless your child is in that popular group, they might find that a lot of peers (or their parents) refuse the invitation. How will they handle that rejection? It may be better for you to approach parents directly and find out which children are willing and able to come.

Where are you going to hold your child’s party? The first decision to make is whether you will entertain the children from your home or meet everyone at a suitable party venue.

If you do decide to hold the party at home, be sensitive to anything in your home that might mark your child out as different and be a source of embarrassment to them

For example, some children with ADD/ADHD enjoy playing with toys that are younger than their actual age. Others may have reminders around the house to prompt them to wash their hands after using the toilet. Consider removing or covering up these notices to avoid your child having to answer awkward questions.

If you decide that a home party is the best solution, it’s time to fill up the party schedule with some fun activities. The next two sections look at some specific ideas for indoor and outdoor events but here are some useful rules of thumb to follow:

A 2019 study by the Journal of Nutrition concluded that a diet high in sugar does not lead to the development of ADHD. However, an excess of candy or sugary treats at a party is likely to make all children hyperactive. This in turn can increase the stimulation levels for your child.

While making or buying a birthday cake is absolutely fine, keeping sugar to a minimum will help take the edge off the excitement enough to avoid chaos or a post-party crash.

As with any children’s party, be sure to ask parents if their children have any special dietary needs.

Finally, create a paper party schedule with a list of activities and timings. This will help your child to prepare for their big day and manage their emotions and behaviors when the day finally arrives.

If you are organizing a large birthday party at home, it will be far easier to set up outdoor activities than try to keep everyone happy and stimulated indoors. This is particularly the case if your child is hyperactive.

Here are some useful tips for entertaining the hordes outdoors.

The best thing about bouncing is that almost every pre-teen child loves to do it. Bouncing is a great way to expend excess energy without causing damage or needing a lot of space.

If your son or daughter with ADHD tends to bounce around a lot when excited (mainly on the furniture) this can make friends feel uncomfortable. By hiring a trampoline or a bounce house, you can get rid of the awkwardness and help your child to feel the same as everyone else.

For older children, simple games may not be stimulating enough and they may prefer to take part in sports. This can create a dilemma because children with ADD/ADHD can struggle with the demands of some sports.

If you do decide to set up some sports activities for the partygoers, be very careful with your selection.

Make sure that the rules are clear and simple and be ready to switch to another sport if your son and daughter starts to get upset or disruptive.

You will probably want to avoid strategic team games.

These games are football, basketball, hockey and soccer because the combination of motor coordination, focus and spatial awareness is often beyond children with ADD/ADHD.

• football
• hockey
• basketball
• soccer

Slow-moving games such as baseball and cricket are usually out too.

since many children with ADD/ADHD get bored if they are standing around too much.

• baseball
• cricket

One option is to simplify these games, replacing them with drills (e.g. shooting hoops, kicking goals, pitching balls, etc.)

If your child is comfortable with their motor skills, individual sports may be an option. This can include competitive sports such as track events or non-competitive activities such as horse riding.

Non-competitive sports and activities might be best if your child tends to get frustrated when they don’t win.

Sports that children with ADD/ADHD seem to take to more than others include gymnastics, martial arts, swimming, tennis and wrestling.

The advantage of planning your party activities well in advance is you can go through the running order with your child multiple times until they are comfortable with what is going to happen on the day itself.

When it comes to games and sports, you can spend time going through the rules and setting up some practise sessions. You can also go through some scenarios to make sure they know what behavior is expected whether they win, lose or draw.

Indoor activities are best for smaller gatherings unless you are blessed with a lot of space within your home.

Although we would all prefer to have a mansion in which to entertain party guests, with a bit of organization, even the smallest home can provide a fun environment without descending into chaos.

Whatever activities you have planned for indoors, keeping them short and sweet is the key to maintaining attention levels and keeping control of behavior. Of course, you will know more than anyone just how long your child is likely to remain focused on an activity and you should base your plans on this.

What is a party without music and dancing?

From karaoke and dance competitions to freeze dance and musical chairs, you can choose an activity to suit your child’s personality and preferences.

As a parent of a child with ADD/ADHD, you will know what level of stimulation they can cope with and therefore how long this activity should last.

Selecting an appropriate sound track might take more thought than other parents due to the risk of overstimulation. Depending on how your child’s ADD manifests, you might want to limit the number of loud, high tempo tracks on the playlist and end with something relaxing.

There is a myth that children with ADD/ADHD are unable to sit down and focus on a movie.

In fact, many parents report that watching TV is one of the few things that can absorb their child’s attention.

As stated in an earlier section, the Golden Rule when it comes to party planning for a child with ADD/ADHD is to know your child’s strengths and to play to them.

While impulsive behavior, hyperactivity and inattention are classic symptoms for this type of disorder, not every child will express these traits to the same degree. For example, your child may have a relatively good attention span or might be able to hold themselves back when in public.

While most children with ADD/ADHD shun the spotlight, your child may be one of the few that thrive on attention. If your instincts tell you that your son or daughter will enjoy a game of football with their classmates, let that override any other suggestions in this guide.

Children with ADD/ADHD can be very dependent on routine and get very anxious if there is too much change.

Involving your child at every step of the party planning process is a great way to help them to feel in control and dial down those stress levels. You could even have them write out the schedule.

While the parents should have the final decision as to number of friends, timings, activities and food menu it is a good idea to keep an open mind to your child’s suggestions. That will make it easier to come up with a compromise that suits everyone.

As the host of the party, your son or daughter will have a level of responsibility they might not normally experience. Will they thank their friends for their gifts? Will they say ‘well done’ when someone else wins the treasure hunt? Will they bid their pals farewell at the end of the day or turn into a moody, post-party monster?

Use the planning period to pre-empt these scenarios and rehearse what they are expected to do and say. They might just make you proud.

When it comes to going through party preparations with your child, you can’t really overdo it.

The more they commit the schedule to memory, the more in control they will feel on the big day. That’s why it’s a great idea to write down the full schedule, including all timings, and display it prominently on the refrigerator or home noticeboard.

Do you get that sinking feeling when your child is invited to a classmate’s laser tag or basketball party?

You just know he is going to be overwhelmed by the lights and noise or she is going to storm off in a huff when her fellow basketballers shout at her for being in the wrong place or hogging the ball.

Rather than break your child’s heart with a blanket refusal, consider how you might be able to make it possible for them to attend. Talk to the parents to discuss options.

For example, are they going back to the house after laser tag to sing ‘happy birthday’ and eat cake. Perhaps you could drop your son off for that part. Maybe you could attend the basketball party with your daughter and step in with a treat when things start getting tense.

Finally, remember that parties are, above all, meant to be a time for fun and celebration

The more relaxed you are about the occasion, the more likely it is that your child will cope with the situation and enjoy a day that will live in the memory for all the right reasons.

For further information to help you planning an amazing party for your son or daughter with ADD/ADHD, here are details of some specialist organizations, popular books and useful website:

• How many kids have been diagnosed with ADHD?
• How many kids should I invite to my ADHD child’s party?
• How long should my ADHD child’s party be?
• Where should we hold our ADHD child’s party?
• What activities can you do with a child with ADHD?
• Should I hire outside entertainment at my ADHD child’s party?
• What can I serve at an ADHD kid’s party?
• What are some fun outdoor games for a kid with ADHD?
• What sport is good for a child with ADHD?
• What are some fun outdoor games for a kid with ADHD?
• What are some good morvies for a kid with ADHD?
• How do you deal with a hyperactive child at a party?
• How to handle your ADHD child at another kid’s party?
• What are some resources for learning about ADHD?

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